Finding Peace, Fulfillment, and Happiness by Looking Out, Not In

What is Happiness?

Oh, if we all could just be happy!

Isn't that what everyone wants? Is that not the answer to all of the riddles, to all of the self-help books, and to the meaning of life? It certainly seems to be the case that at the end of the day, or week, or month, or year, or decade, or life, that we are all longing for some sense of this state of being that we commonly refer to as happiness. But what does that mean? What does that word imply? Where is happiness pointing?

Words are just symbols that point to something else. They are signpost. Alan Watts has a wonderful thought on this whole sequence. If I say "chair", what does the word actually mean? To me, upon hearing "chair" I may picture my favorite chair in my office, to you it may mean a particular chair at your kitchen table, to a carpenter it may mean a blueprint of a chair they are building. A "STOP" sign is just a sign, but it actually means that we need to stop our vehicle before proceeding. These words are nothing more than signs or symbols to some other object, experience, or reality.

The word happiness is thrown around all over the place. We have to legitimately pause and ponder and define what this even means, because each of our ideas may have a different experience. Something like "feeling good" or "smiling" or "content" or "fufilled" or something like that is a good place to start. It also implies there is an absence of something. An absence of worry, anxiety, depression, pain, suffering, conflict, discomfort, etc. This is all perfectly applicable as well.

What Does it Mean to Seek Outwardly for Happiness?

There are different ways to approach this subject. The first is that it is easy to say that seeking happiness outside of ourself is fruitless and unsustainable. In this sense, we are referring to something like finding happiness in things, objects, substances, ideas, and the like. I would wholeheartedly object to this idea that you can be "happy" through these means. We may get some form of excitement or pleasure, which is not to be confused with genuine happiness which is the subject here. Excitement and pleasure are fleeting, temporal fixations which imply some sort of start and end. It is there and then it is over...

One can easily see how these pursuits are nothing more than a bandaid resting upon a wound, some form of existential wound or void. Riding on a boat or eating a perfectly cooked steak or winning an award will be a temporary pleasure, nothing more. Unfortunately, we are geared toward this type of activity only to realize that in the end, the boat comes to the dock and the steak enters our digestive tract. Again, these are fleeting pleasures.

In this type of "looking out" we find emptiness and cycles of pleasure and pain and we keep searching for the same thrills and moments. We are trapped or addicted in some cases. This leads to greater effort to seek out those moments of bliss, to accumulate more and bigger things, and to chase some form of thrill or entertainment perpetually only to be let down and disappointed.

The real sort of outward happiness is found when we seek, out of humility, serving and loving our neighbor. Our families, our spouses, our children, our friends and companions. When we start to look in what is in the best interest of the other - and not ourselves - we can find real, true, and genuine happiness. We have to be active in Love, to participate in Love, and to learn that when we start to think about the other and bring them peace and joy then we ourselves benefit.

In order to properly love, there must be a lover and a beloved. This entails that love is necessarily toward another. There are two parties at play. We have to have a beloved. This is where the key to happiness really lies because if we are looking outward, to our neighbor, our spouse, our family, our community, toward God, then we can properly love as we have identified an object of our love. When this happens, then we begin to experience the grace and joy of thinking about an serving and sacrificing for someone else.

Loving our neighbor is an ancient principle that transcends all cultural, religious, and personal boundaries. It reflects a universal aspiration for a more compassionate and harmonious society. This concept, deeply rooted in many religious and philosophical traditions, emphasizes the importance of thinking about the other, of embracing empathy, kindness, and mutual respect in our interactions with others.

At its core, loving our neighbor means extending a sense of care and concern beyond ourselves and, instead, looking outward toward whoever is next to us. It challenges us to recognize the God-given humanity in every individual, regardless of their background, beliefs, or circumstances. This love is not merely an abstract ideal but a practical commitment to improving the lives of our community.

One of the most compelling aspects of loving our neighbor is a call for empathy. Empathy involves more than just understanding someone’s feelings; it requires us to put ourselves in their shoes and respond with compassion - this is the key! When we actively listen, which is a necessary skill all people need to adopt, to others and validate their experiences, we build deeper connections and foster a sense of belonging. This practice can transform our communities by bridging gaps of misunderstanding and prejudice, ultimately leading to more cohesive and supportive environments.

Acts of kindness, whether small or significant, are direct and real expressions of love. Simple gestures, such as offering a helping hand to someone in need, sharing a smile, or being a reliable friend, can have profound effects both on the person next to us and on ourselves. These actions not only uplift those who receive them but also inspire others to contribute positively, creating a ripple effect of goodwill.

In practical terms, loving our neighbor can take many forms, from volunteering in community services and supporting local charities and venturing out to engage in thoughtful dialogue and offering emotional support. It encourages us to see beyond superficial differences and to build relationships based on shared values and mutual respect.

Ultimately, loving our neighbor enriches our own lives as well, and here is the key ticket to real happiness. It fosters a sense of fulfillment and purpose, connecting us to something greater than ourselves. When we act out of love and compassion, we not only contribute to the well-being of others but also cultivate a more positive and inclusive environment for ourselves and future generations.

In a world often marked by division and conflict, the principle of loving our neighbor serves as a beacon of hope. It invites us to imagine a society where every individual is treated with dignity and kindness, where our shared humanity is acknowledged, and where collective well-being is prioritized. By embracing this principle, we take a step toward a more empathetic and just world, one where love truly makes a difference.

True Internal Searching Eliminates Ego

When we turn inwards and search within our own souls and minds we will find that what really matters, beyond anything else, is actually the other. So, we essentially become selfless. 

Being selfless is a powerful and incredible quality that elevates both personal interactions and broader societal dynamics. At its essence, selflessness involves prioritizing the well-being of others over ourselves - our own egos. It manifests through acts of kindness, empathy, and altruism, fostering a sense of community and shared humanity; as opposed to being self-consumed with our stuff and desires.

Selflessness is often characterized by actions that benefit others without expecting anything in return. This could be as simple as offering a listening ear to a friend in distress or as significant as dedicating time and resources to charitable causes. By putting others first, selfless individuals create environments where trust and mutual support thrive, enhancing relationships and fostering a sense of belonging.

The impact of selflessness extends beyond individual interactions. In a larger context, it contributes to the creation of a more compassionate and cooperative society. Selfless behavior can challenge systemic issues, promote social justice, and address inequalities. When individuals act selflessly, they often inspire others to do the same, creating a ripple effect that can lead to widespread positive change.

Moreover, selflessness enriches the lives of those who practice it. Acts of giving and supporting others often bring a deep understanding of the important of life and of fulfillment and joy. This is because selfless actions align with our fundamental values of connection and empathy, leading to personal growth and a profound sense of purpose.

In a world that values ego over the other, being selfless serves as a reminder of the importance of compassion and generosity. It encourages us to look beyond our own concerns and to contribute positively to the lives of others, ultimately fostering a more empathetic and harmonious society.

Adopting Selflessness as a Way of Life

We have to chose, every day, to adopt this path as a way of life. We have to trust that this is exactly what we need to be truly happy and to be truly fulfilled. It is only this mode of being that will produce the life that we ultimately desire. This is where we find the Joy that we want. Not in fleeting entertainments, but in real life!